TITLE: A Word For Karen Rasch RATING: PG CATEGORY: SHX SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully investigate their sex lives. COMMENTS: glacy1@ix.netcom.com THANKS AND DEDICATION: My sincere thanks to Deb Prewitt for both beta-reading this and encouraging me to finish it. And a very special thank you to Karen Rasch, who not only let me play in her Words universe, but allowed me to plop her down right in the middle of it. Although the story is humor, it's a labor of love, and was written because of my admiration for Karen and her ability to entertain us, arouse us and touch our hearts. This one's for you, sweetie. ;) DISCLAIMER: Everyone you recognize belongs to CC and Co. The sole original character is mine, although if anyone wants the poor old nameless thing, they can have her. Karen belongs to Karen. A Word For Karen Rasch By Selena Coontz Wednesday, July 2nd The Basement 11:03 AM "Mulder, I'm warning you. If you know who or what's behind this...." Mulder extended both palms toward Scully, motioning for her to calm down. "I know, I know. But honestly, I don't see why you're so anxious to stop it. It's not like you're getting any--" "Don't you dare say it, Mulder! Besides, Mr. Phone-Sex and Porn-Movies, it's not like YOUR sex life is anything to write home about." "I never write home about my sex life, Scully. It embarrasses Mom." She shot him a withering glance. "I don't understand why you're so adamant about stopping it. Let's face it, it's fantastic when it happens," Mulder continued. "But we have no control over it. We never know when or where or how one of these 'events' is going to occur. And don't you want to know what's happening? HOW it's happening? WHO'S doing it?" "WE'RE doing it." Mulder leered at her and wiggled his eyebrows. "Mulderrr," Scully said, her exasperation obvious. "OK. But the sex is so incredible. You know it never works that way when we do it on our own." "Yeah, but the last time it happened you spanked me, Mulder. You SPANKED me! Do I seem to be the kind of woman who wants to be spanked?" "You did at the time." Mulder grinned at her. "Oh, shut up!" Scully's eyes glazed over momentarily and the tiniest of smiles graced her lips. "I have to admit that marathon against my apartment wall was a 20 on a scale of 1 - 10." Shaking her head to clear it of the memory she continued, "Everytime we've had the 'surprise sex' it's been fabulous. But I won't be spanked," she vowed. "It's gone too far. I don't like not knowing who's behind it and how they're doing it." "I know, I don't either." Mulder sighed. "I'll talk to Byers--" "You'll do no such thing! I won't have those three knowing what's going on. Frohike's bad enough as it is." Mulder's face flushed slightly and he suddenly seemed very interested in his shoes. "Oh, no. You didn't. Please tell me you haven't...." Mulder raised his eyes to hers, his expression suddenly resembling that of a deer caught in headlights in the instant before impact. "Dammit, Mulder! How COULD you? I can't believe it! What have you told them? Tell me, and you better tell me everything! If one of them so much as makes an innuendo I'm not expecting I'll shoot you again. I'm not kidding." "All I told them was something unusual was going on. That sometimes out of the blue it's like we're taken over and things would happen beyond our control." "And?" Scully stood, arms crossed, toe tapping. "Go on." "And...we would have the most mind-blowing, toe-curling sex either of us has ever had in our entire lives," Mulder finished in a rush. "Oh, Mulder, how could you? How could you tell them something so personal?" Scully's eyes narrowed, "Do they know you spanked me?" "No." "Don't lie to me, Mister. I swear you'll regret the day you were born if I find out you're lying." "No, I swear! I promise you I didn't tell them that." Mulder put on his best 'poor me' look. "I needed their help, Scully. We've had no luck in finding out what's going on. I thought their unique talents might help." "If any of them ever mentions--" "They'll never mention it. I promise. I'll make sure." Scully looked at him for a moment before deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt and continuing. "You damn sure better.... Well? What did they say? Have they found out anything yet?" Mulder snorted, "Well first, they couldn't understand why I'd want to stop it." He glanced at her and grinned before continuing, "I have to admit I DON'T want to stop it, but I do want to know what's happening, too. I'll visit them tonight and see if they've found out anything." Wednesday, July 2nd Lone Gunmen Office 8:26 PM "We have a lead, but I'm not sure if it will pan out yet or not." Byers looked dapper as always. "What is it? At this point we're willing to investigate anything," Mulder replied. Langly pushed his hair behind his ears. "We did a web search on your names and found a reference to something called Gossamer. It's apparently some kind of secret archive. Frohike worked all last night trying to break in and couldn't do it." Byers interrupted, "Finally, this afternoon, we got in. It's a strange, strange, site. There are thousands of stories there and Frohike found some in which you and Agent Scully were prominently featured." "She's hot," offered Frohike. "She's REALLY hot." He looked at Mulder with both a new respect and a twinge of jealousy. "Did you really do the things written in those stories?" "I don't know," Mulder answered with some trepidation, "what did they say?" "Did you go to New Orleans with Agent Scully and the two of you were inhabited by ghosts who haunted the Bed and Breakfast where you stayed?" Byers asked. "Oh, shit." Mulder visibly paled. "What else did it say?" Frohike leered at him. "Did you get the blowjob of your life?" "Oh shit, am I ever going to be in trouble! Give me everything you've got and don't say a WORD to Scully. Ever. I promised her you'd never mention it." "We'll give you what we have Mulder, but we still don't understand how this is happening," said Byers. "I don't either. But I'm going to find out." Thursday, July 3rd The Basement 9:04 AM "Karen Rasch? Who in the heck is that?" Scully asked. "According to Byers she's an art rep in Chicago and writes as a hobby." "But how does what she writes affect us? How does she even KNOW us?" "I don't know. Apparently there's some kind of ultra-secret group on the net that she posts stories to." Mulder shrugged. "I think we've found out everything we can from here. We're going to have to go out there. I've booked us on a noon flight. I just hope she's not going out of town for the 4th. Maybe we can get this sorted out this weekend." Thursday, July 3rd 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Chicago IL 60666 6:09 PM "This is the place," Mulder said as he knocked on the door of the upstairs apartment. "Let's hope she's home. We need answers." They listened carefully for the sound of someone moving inside the apartment. Silence. Mulder knocked again, harder. The door to the house below opened slowly and a frail, ancient woman peeked out. "She's gone." Mulder and Scully walked down the stairs. "Hello," Scully said. "Do you know when she'll be back?" "Not until Sunday. I'm feeding her cats." "This is the apartment of Karen Rasch?" "Yes," replied the wizened old woman. She looked like the slightest breeze could blow her away, and her voice had the deep raspiness of a longtime smoker. "Are you friends of hers?" "No," Scully said as she pulled out her ID. "We're with the FBI." "The FBI?" The old woman carefully examined Scully's ID and then met her eyes. "What does the FBI want with Karen? She's a wonderful girl." "I'm sure she is," Mulder poured on the charm. "We just wanted to ask her a few questions. What time do you expect her back Sunday?" "In the afternoon. I don't know exactly." "Thank you for your help," Mulder herded Scully toward their rental car. "We'll try and get in touch with her later." After they were out of earshot Scully asked, "Mulder, what's going on?" "Did you look inside the house?" "Just briefly. What did you see?" "A picture of Cancerman. She had a picture of Cancerman on top of her TV." "Are you sure?" "Of course, I'm sure. If that wasn't him, it's his twin and that can't be a coincidence. This may go further than we realized. Let's go back to the motel and regroup." Thursday, July 3rd Bluebird Motel 7:14 PM "Langley, it's Mulder. Have you found anything else? OK, listen. We found the apartment of Karen Rasch but she's apparently gone out of town for the holiday. See if you can find out anything else about her and where she's gone. And there's more. The old lady living below her had a picture of Cancerman on top of her TV so be careful. I know you're always careful, but watch your back, OK? Call me the minute you have anything." Mulder hung up and turned to Scully. "They don't have anything else yet, but will call us the instant they do." "So what do we do now?" Scully asked. "Let's get dinner, then we'll do a little investigating of our own." Thursday, July 3rd 10:20 PM Bluebird Motel "This is not a good idea, Mulder. We're both tired and frustrated and out-of-sorts. We've been on a wild goose chase all evening." "And what better way to relieve our frustrations, Scully?" "Your frustrations, maybe. But I usually end up even MORE frustrated when we have sex. Well, except when it's the, what were those stories called again? The 'Words universe' variety." Scully's eyes glazed over once again as she enjoyed the memory. "Gripe, gripe, gripe, is that all you can do?" "Oh, all right," Scully said as Mulder's voice brought her back to the present. "What do you want to do?" "C'mere," Mulder said in his sexiest voice. Scully approached him, hips swaying, a languid look in her eyes. Remembering some of their previous encounters had eroded her resistance. As she reached him, Mulder gathered her in his arms and she tilted her head up for a kiss. He bent his head to reach those luscious lips and.... "Ow!" Scully jerked back. "Dammit, Mulder, you stepped on my foot." "Sorry!! I'm sorry. Here, c'mere." Scully looked warily at his feet before approaching. "Just be still, OK? Let me do the maneuvering." "OK. Whatever you say." Mulder had a boner as big as Texas and he REALLY didn't want Scully backing out now. She wormed her feet between his and put her arms around his neck. She felt him press himself against her belly. Ooo, this is promising, she thought. They looked deeply in each others eyes, each remembering the intense pleasure wrought by the other. They closed their eyes to come together for a kiss. Scully tilted her head to the right, Mulder to the left...and their noses collided with an impact that brought tears to their eyes. "Ow!" they both cried in unison, hands flying to their respective noses. "You nearly broke my nose!" accused Mulder. "I nearly broke YOUR nose? You, with a honker that should come with warning lights? Let's just forget it," Scully sighed. "This obviously isn't one of our magical moments." "I guess you're right," Mulder agreed. Besides, after the blow to his nose his erection had shrunk to something more the size of Rhode Island. "Damn." He punched his palm with his fist. "See you in the morning," he muttered. Friday, July 4th 8:15 AM "Hi, honey. Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you since yesterday." "Hello, Mother. Mr. Carter had a job he needed done and you know how he wants everything done perfectly. I thought I'd better do it myself. I've been out of town since Tuesday." He took a deep drag off of his cigarette. "Is something wrong?" "Two FBI agents came to Karen's apartment yesterday looking for her. Their names were--" He interrupted, "Fox Mulder and Dana Scully." "So you knew they were here?" "No, I didn't. Like I said, I've been on a job for Mr. Carter, but this is something he'll want to know." "I thought so." The mother of the man known to Mulder and Scully only as Cancerman or Cigarette Smoking Man was very pleased to be able to pass on the information to her son. It could only elevate her boy in the eyes of the man everyone called Mr. Big behind his back, Chris Carter. "Is he with her?" CSM asked softly. "Yes," the old woman rasped. "Do you know where they went?" "Yes." Friday, July 4th 12:11 PM On a yacht off the California coast Karen stood looking out at the ocean, her dark red hair gleaming in the noonday sun. "Chris, it's so beautiful here. I'm glad we could get away. We need more time like this." She turned and walked up behind Carter and put her arms around his waist, hugging him to her. He turned in her arms to face her, his boyish surfer-boy looks belying his true nature as head of the Consortium. "Yes, it's been wonderful." He stared into her blue eyes as he idly traced the outline of the crescent moon tattoo on her shoulder. "And it's not over yet," he said huskily. He leaned down to capture her mouth and-- his phone rang. He groaned in frustration at the intrusion and Karen dropped her head to lean against his chest. He pulled the phone from his pocket, "What?" he barked. He listened a moment. Karen watched Carter's face change from aggravation to surprise to fury. "What?? Shit!!" He ended the call. "They've found out who you are," Chris out blurted the bad news. "They've been to your apartment." "Who?" "Mulder and Scully." "I thought you said they'd both be so happy to be getting any they'd never investigate it." "I didn't think they would. They haven't before." Chris shook his head in confusion. "What did you write last time?" "Oh, it was great. One of my best ever according to the Shippers. I decided little control freak Scully needed to lose control. I had her agree to give Mulder complete control of what happened and she would do anything he said." "Oh, yeah, I remember now. They had a blast. Scully could barely walk the next day. You had her pleasure herself in Mulder's lap and then give him a blowjob. But I wonder what happened different enough to make them want to investigate? Do you think it could have been the blindfolding or the tying up and tickling? You've made her beg before, so that's not it." "I don't know," Karen said thoughtfully. "Perhaps." Carter snapped his fingers. "I know what it was! It was the spanking! I bet she was embarrassed later because she liked it." "That could be it," Karen agreed. "Come on. We need to go back to Chicago." Friday, July 4th 3:01 PM Bluebird Motel "Mulder, it's Byers. We've found out a little more about Karen Rasch. Be very careful, she is one dangerous woman." "How? Give me what you've got." "Somehow, whatever she writes becomes reality." "And everyone thinks I believe some crazy stuff. How could she do that?" "We don't know, but we found something very scary." "What?" "It seems that Karen had a crush on a certain actor from Death Valley Days as a little girl so she decided--" "You're shitting me!" "No, I wish I were. But it does explain how Ronald Reagan became President of the United States." "Damn. I've got to talk to Scully." Friday, July 4th 5:24 PM Bluebird Motel "You can't possibly believe that, Mulder. This is about the goofiest thing you've come up with yet." "And do you have a better explanation, Miss Know-It-All?" "It's obvious that we're the victims of drug-induced hypnosis. They planted the suggestion of sex in our heads and we thought it really happened." "We imagined the exact same thing," Mulder scoffed. "Yes, they planted the same memory in both of us." "Bullshit, Scully! How do you explain the other stuff? Reagan becoming President? The 1980 USA Hockey Team winning the Gold Medal? Chia Pets? It's all there, Scully. Hell, even the downfall of PeeWee Herman. He dated Karen's sister and dumped her and it pissed Karen off." "Mulder, I still--" The loud, authoritative knock on the door made both agents jump. They looked at each other, readying themselves for whatever awaited them. Mulder stepped toward the door, "Who is it?" "Room Service." Mulder closed the distance to the door but didn't open it. "We didn't order Room Service. You have the wrong room." "I'm afraid not, sir. This is compliments of a Mr. Frohike." "Frohike?" Mulder turned and looked at Scully who shrugged. Mulder opened the door and peered out. Everything looked in order, and it would be just like Frohike to play this kind of a joke. Probably beer and pretzels, or whatever would be Frohike's idea of a romantic meal. So he closed the door in order to release the chain, then opened it again to allow entrance. He looked at the busboy as he entered. Jeez, Mulder thought smugly, what a bum. He looked like some 40-year-old surfer and here he was making his living as a busboy. Sheesh. Some people just never grew up and took responsibility for themselves. A maid carrying a pen and paper came in behind the busboy. With her other hand she brushed at the cat hair clinging to her black uniform. She raised her gaze to Scully. Scully saw a very fair-complexioned woman of average height who could have been any age from 25 - 35. She had the youthful face of someone who didn't have a worry in the world. With a slight nod and smile at Scully, the maid raised her pen to the paper and began writing. "Waitaminute!" Scully cried in alarm as the identity of the "maid" hit her. "Mulder, it's her!" "Her?" he asked quizzically. Then it dawned on him as he saw the woman writing as fast as she could. "Karen..." he began. Then all thought left his head as he turned back to Scully who was dropping articles of clothing as she sashayed toward him, the maid and busboy totally forgotten by both agents. "Mulder, I need you," Scully growled, already down to bra and panties. Mulder swept her up in his arms, kissing her furiously as he carried her to the bed. He laid her down gently, unable to believe his good fortune at having this beautiful, brilliant, sexy woman love him. Love =him=! She gazed into the gorgeous ever-changing eyes of Fox Mulder. The most passionate, giving, considerate lover a woman could ever hope for. She was the luckiest woman on earth. "I'm so happy," she sighed. "Not near as happy as you're going to be when I get through with you," Mulder promised. Scully let out a little laugh. "You won't believe what I dreamed." "What?" He gazed down into the smiling eyes of his lover. "I dreamed I was upset over the little love-swats you gave me the other day. Can you imagine? I would only be upset if you DIDN'T discipline me sometimes," Scully said in her sultriest voice. The voice that drove Fox Mulder mad with desire. "C'mere, you." Mulder dove on Scully capturing her mouth, and with a fierce thrust of his tongue began exploring its depths. Scully moaned beneath him, frantic with desire. "Looks like they need a little privacy," Carter joked. "Yes, everything's under control now. I can finish writing this up in the car on our way back to my apartment," said Karen. "But how will you keep them from remembering what's happened after they get through?" "I'll send the story right away to Gossamer. That's what went wrong last time. I didn't get it archived before they began asking questions." "OK. So everything's settled?" "Yes." Carter eyeballed the writhing couple before them. "Hey, do you think you could write us a little scenario like this sometime?" Chris asked. "Mulder and Scully sure look like they're having fun." How do you think I got you and made you head of the Consortium, darlin', Karen thought to herself. You've forgotten you were flipping burgers at McDonalds when I found you. Aloud, she smiled and said, "Sure, if it would make you happy." "It just looks kinda fun. You know, getting lost in a fantasy." "I know exactly, sweetheart." Carter didn't notice Karen's little smile as they exited the motel room. THE END In all fairness I must admit that Karen flatly denies any responsibility for the Reagan presidency. She issued no denials for anything else.