The Dance
"Damn!"
Sandburg turned at the quietly uttered oath, "what's wrong, Jim?" He watched Ellison emerge from the bathroom, green t-shirt dangling from his hand.
"I thought this one was mine, Chief," Jim waved the shirt, "but I think it's yours."
"So?" Blair shrugged, "mine are a bit big on me. Just wear it." Ellison shrugged as well and slipped it on. For a moment Blair let his gaze linger on the muscled chest slowly disappearing beneath the fabric and then the even more erotic sight of his roommate dressed in tight jeans and an even tighter shirt impressed itself upon his mind. Jim looked........
"Chief?" Ellison stepped closer, one hand coming to rest on Sandburg's shoulder. "Are you with me?"
"Oh, sure, man," Blair used the act of pushing his hair back to hid his nervousness, "just hoping you can compete with me tonight."
"What a dork," Jim growled and launched himself at his smaller friend. They tussled for a moment, bouncing around the room like puppies until Ellison used his superior strength to finally pick Sandburg up and dump him on the couch. "If your not a good little boy I'll take a strap to you and tan that cute butt of yours."
"Oh, so now you think I've got a cute butt," Blair teased. He watched the blush start at Ellison's collar, washing his skin a faint pink, but Jim didn't look away.
"Not as cute as mine, but I'm sure there are some people who might find it attractive." Blair couldn't help himself, he laughed. He threw back his head and howled, tears springing to his eyes at the though of him and his roommate comparing butts. He managed a quick look at his partner, seeing the smile which made Jim's eyes glow like a summer's sky, and he shook his head.
"Jim, if I have to compete with you I might as well stay home," he held out a hand and let Jim pull him to his feet. "It'd be like Pinocchio competing with Prince Charming." He stared at his partner's chest, not raising his eyes until Jim's hand landed in his curls. When their gazes locked, Blair had to swallow hard. His partner had, even in the very beginning, shown amazing fondness for him, but now, gazing into the very soul of his best friend, Blair felt the full power of the emotions behind Jim's affection for him. Never in his life had Blair ever felt such love, like a woolen blanket it wrapped around his heart and warmed his soul. He knew that if he reached out now, if he made the slightest effort, Jim would come into his arms and never leave. He could see the longing, the desire, the need and hunger. He'd witnessed the love and affection for so long, the sight of it no longer spooked him, but the need for it to be real, to make it last for all time made Blair'! s heart beat like a trapped bird. He wanted to, he longed to move but he waited too long and Jim was nodding, the fire in his gaze banked back down to the brotherly guise it normally assumed.
"Come on, Prince Charming," Jim whispered, "let's go have some fun." The moment passed and with it the claustrophobic sense that he stood to lose everything he'd ever wanted. Ellison turned and picked up their coats, tossing Blair's to him, "time's wasting."
The Sandbox turned out to be better than the first two they'd hit. Blair turned to his partner with a huge grin lighting his face, "see, Jim, I told you this would be fun!"
"That's what you said about the Bronze," Jim said. "I'm telling you, Chief, I got the weirdest feeling there were things in there ready to eat me alive."
"It's the shirt," Blair laughed. He slipped his arm around Ellison and steered him towards the bar. When he'd first suggested a night out on the town, he hadn't seriously thought Ellison would go along with him. Jim had never liked to troll the bars, preferring to stay at home most evenings or a quiet dinner at a nice restaurant. Large crowds, loud music and smoke gave him terrible headaches, he found idle chatter boring and his taste in music was rather limited to seventies pop. So when he'd agreed, Blair had been pleasantly surprised quickly followed by an overwhelming desire to make it a fun night for both of them. He'd started with two of the smaller dance clubs in Cascade, trying to gauge Ellison's reactions to the crowd and music. Keeping a light hand on Jim's arm Blair had instructed him to filter out everything with which he couldn't cope. When Jim's breathing had slowed and his eyes lost the glazed look, Blair stepped back and motioned towards the dance floor. They hadn't stayed very long at either club, being only ten PM the crowds were small, but the idea had been to get Jim comfortable with the atmosphere. The real test would be The Sandbox.
Cascade's best dance club boasted a three level dance floor, two full bars, and enough mirrors and neon to make the Village People feel right at home. The bass beat vibrated through Sandburg's body, settling in the middle of his chest like an intimate massage. "What's that feel like to you, Jim?" Blair looked to his partner with wide eyes. Ellison's hand pressed against his sternum and he cocked his head to one side before answering.
"I'm - I'm not sure," Jim told him, "it's like having two hearts beating in my chest. I - I can't really explain it," his eyes closed and a look of wonder grew, "like something living inside me is free." He shrugged and hooked Blair's elbow, "let's get a drink." The bar arched across the room, lined with colored bottles and warm flesh. Jim pushed a wide shoulder between two guys in silk shirts, and dug out a space. He pressed Sandburg in front of him, stepping behind him as if to safeguard his partner from too many strangers. Trapped between the chrome and glass bar and the solid flesh of his partner, Blair felt as if nothing could ever harm him. He caught the bartender's eye and ordered two beers.
"To fun," he toasted. Jim clinked his beer bottle to Blair's and smiled. They drank in silence, listening to the throbbing beat of the music. The dance floor writhed like a living entity; arms and legs could be glimpsed, skin washed with neon light. All around people were abandoning themselves to the beat. Men and women curled around each other, women danced with other women while group of men did the same. There was no rhyme or reason, the only purpose seemed to be freedom and fun. "Isn't this great? It's an affirmation of youth, every culture has something like this...."
"I didn't know headhunters were into Smashing Pumpkins."
"Jim! Hey, man, have you been listening to my CDs again?" He matched Ellison's grin, saw the light spark again in Jim's eyes.
"Wanna dance?" The voice, soft and low, but loud enough to be heard above the music made them both turn. She looked to be about Blair's age, but her gaze raked Ellison like blue lasers. The older man winked at Sandburg and handed him his beer.
"Sure." Blair watched his partner take the girl's hand and felt a jolt of hatred for this nameless woman who'd broken in on their conversation. Careful movements and drunken revelers snagged him a table close to the dance floor. Slowly sipping his beer he watched Jim move like quicksilver to the pulsing beat. The tight jeans clung to his muscled thighs, leading the eyes upwards over the faded cloth at his crotch to the narrow waist. He'd tucked in the green t-shirt and it showed every ripple of muscle as he moved. Molded around his abs, it flared across his pectoral muscles and highlighted the small nub of his nipples. Blair found himself wondering what his own nipple ring would look like against that sculptured chest, its silver warmed by the fire of Jim's body. Ellison shifted, turning with the beat until Blair could see only the long curve of his powerful back and the swell of his ass. Working, Ellison tended to wear baggy trousers and flannel shirts, and for that! Blair found himself eternally grateful, if he had to stare at that package wrapped in tight denim and cotton every day he'd never get anything accomplished.
"What are you thinking?" Jim's voice startled him, making Blair spill beer across his jeans. "Can't take you anyplace, can I?" A large hand settled on his thigh, the napkin Ellison dabbed at the beer mesmerizing. Apparently satisfied by his partner's appearance, Jim leaned back and smiled at him. "You were right, Chief, this is fun." He saluted Blair with a raised bottle and gazed out over the floor. Sandburg watched him watching the crowd, seeing the tiny flares of distress when a particularly loud note struck the air, the way Jim would freeze for an instant as the lights flashed, the quick hand to his nose as a strong odor hit him. But when he looked over at Blair it was as if all discomfort melted away, his eyes were clear and sparkling, his smile untouched by strain, his pleasure palpable.
"Are you really enjoying yourself?' Blair asked. "You aren't just doing this for me, are you?" Many times he'd used Jim's feelings for him to get the sentinel to do what he wanted, never once feeling a pang of guilt. Ellison, for all his single-mindedness when it came to police work and Blair's safety, rarely put up much of a fight when Blair suggested a new activity. He seemed to enjoy his partner's enthusiasm as much as whatever they were doing. He indulged Blair's interests, going with him to lectures and museums, boxing matches and races, art classes and fishing trips. In return he hauled Sandburg to sporting events and environmental awareness meetings, but whatever they did Jim seemed genuinely happy with his company. Oh, there were occasion when the older man had to be by himself. A restlessness would come over the sentinel, manifesting itself in prolonged silences punctuated by angry words. Saying he was going fishing, Jim would load up the truck and disappear. He usually only left for one day, two at the most, and when he returned the shadows were gone from his eyes. Blair longed to ask, he wanted to know if Jim somehow communed with his spirit guide or just what it was which soothed him, but he never asked. He supposed it was merely the quiet, th healing power of Mother nature working on the sentinel's overwhelmed senses. But whatever it was, it only reared its head once in a while and the tiny hurt it brought to Sandburg's heart was nothing when compared with the peace it gave his friend.
"I always enjoy myself," Jim confided, "when we're together." He paused, looking over the crowd for a moment before meeting Blair's gaze. Sandburg couldn't stop the smile which blossomed on his face, spreading itself to Jim's. Amid the swirling throng, music blaring and people dancing, Blair felt as if he and his partner were the only two people on Earth. The world faded away, lost in insignificance compared to the feelings between the two of them. He smiled, letting go of the last shred of fear and taking that one step. He saw Jim's face lose its amusement, filling instead, with understanding. A question seemed to form in the clear blue eyes, asking Blair if he was sure. Blair nodded, just a tiny movement but it brought a relieved laugh from Ellison. "Come, let's dance!"
Blair followed the larger body out among the dancers, his eyes never straying from the compact hips in front of him. When Jim stopped and turned, it didn't take sentinel sight to see the blush which quickly raced over his cheeks. Someone bumped into Blair, pushing him against the solid chest of his partner. He felt a surge of desire as hot hands grasped his upper arms, steadying him. When he looked up Jim released him and began backing away. Two feet between them, looking as if he were dancing all alone, Ellison began to move. Feet spread , knees bent, he gave himself to the beat. It seemed to settle inside him, filling him up until he became the music. Blair could feel his own body swaying, drawn by invisible strings to respond to the sight before him. Ellison raised his arms, chest and pelvis thrusting with the beat, shoulders switching back and forth, his face radiating the pleasure he felt. All around him people began smiling, drawing on his delight as they witnessed his own. Blair knew Jim's dancing was only for him, these strangers might gain some joy from the display but it was his and his alone. He threw himself into the beat, matching Jim's movements until they were as one. Others joined in, creating a living barrier around Jim and Blair, isolating them from everything but each other.
But as the music ended, Jim stepped close, his mouth against Blair's ear, "now it's your turn, Chief." His breath was hot, smelling of the beer he'd drunk and it curled around Sandburg's heart like a silken rope, "now, you have to dance for me." He gently shoved Blair towards the exit, pausing once they were outside and standing beside his truck. Blair could see the question again and had to smile. "Are you still afraid?" Jim asked.
"Yes," Blair said but when they reached the loft he began a dance which he knew would last the rest of his life and Jim's. Moving together in Ellison's big bed, the music between them was that of two hearts beating in unison.