"You gonna wear that, Chief?" Jim blinked at his partner when Blair entered the kitchen. Sandburg often dressed in odd combinations but his latest effort at sartorial splendour was way off the odd meter.

"What's wrong with it?' Blair demanded. He held out his arms, looking down at his choice. His trousers were a mint green, his shoes two tone brown, his t-shirt a safe bet of white, but that outer shirt! It was pink...mostly. The yoke had been added in lime green, the left sleeve in yellow and the right in orange. Hideous would have been the word Ellison would have chosen to describe it but he wisely skipped the commentary. And yet there was something oddly familiar about it.

"Where'd you get that, Sandburg?" Jim put down his coffee and moved over to his partner. "Why do I recognise this mess?" He fingered a sleeve and frowned.

"Dunno," Blair shrugged, "I found it in the closet. Pretty snazzy, huh?" He fairly bounced on his toes, waiting for Jim's approval.

"Yeah, Chief, snazzy." Jim shook his head and smiled. "Come on. We don't want to be late." He snagged his keys and their coats, handing Blair's to him. Sandburg chatted excitedly all the way to the truck and then to the station. Jim liked the sound even if he didn't always listen to the words. Blair's voice was something he'd come to rely on when zoning out and when he wasn't it still provided a certain comfort.

As Blair rambled on Jim thought about the shirt. He'd forgotten all about it. On purpose? Maybe. It wasn't his style at all. Of course Carolyn had known that when she'd bought it for him. It had just been her way of proving that James Ellison was incapable of change. Her smile had been a dare, a taunt to just put it on and walk around in it. She'd won, naturally. Jim had taken the shirt, thanked her and hung it in the closet to be forgotten. If Blair hadn't found it he might have used it to polish the truck someday.

He tossed a look over at his partner. The shirt really fit Sandburg. Not physically, it hung on him like he was wearing his father's shirt, but the design fit him to a T. Blair was colourful, he was unpredictable and unconventional. He could wear a shirt like that and not have a care in the world. Jim shook his head. There was no way he could walk around in that thing without constantly checking for people staring at him but Blair, well, people stared at him anyway. Jim frowned, surprised to find he didn't like the thought of people staring at his partner. He'd always considered Sandburg his personal property, even when they'd first met. Blair was his Guide, his partner, his best friend, the optimum word being HIS. A swift glance over at Sandburg confirmed the fact Jim didn't want Blair to be anywhere but at his side.

"What?" Blair asked. Jim sighed, Sandburg's uncanny ability to read his mood got a little annoying after the first five hundred times or so.

"Nothing." Ellison waited, commanding his eyes not to stray to the silent figure sitting on his right. He did not want to see that patient expression, he did not want to see the expectant set to Blair's lips, as if his partner knew exactly how to respond to any words Jim would utter. The fact that Sandburg had worked some kind of magic on him, and all he had to do was ask and Jim's secrets would spill out, was the other most annoying trait he possessed. "Not this time, buddy," Jim vowed to himself. They drove in silence for another five blocks and with each passing foot Jim could feel the concern and care his friend radiated like sunlight. "I'm just glad you're here," Jim snapped, "okay?"

"Yeah." Ellison didn't have to turn to know Blair's face now shown with satisfaction. He spent the rest of the trip berating himself for caving in but deep down he realized his defences had been short circuited from the beginning. There had never been any defence against Blair Sandburg, at least not for him. Despite the stern talking to he'd given himself in the truck, when they reached the station he couldn't resist the urge to mark his territory. Jim slipped his arm across Sandburg's shoulders, inordinately pleased when Blair's arm went around his waist. The other officers, most whom he knew, greeted the pair warmly, not in the least surprised by their conjoined entrance. Jim allowed himself a smile, Blair would kill him if he ever found out, but his Sentinel hearing had picked up more than a few comments about Sandburg's desirability. And not just from female staff either. Blair appealed to both sexes and Jim had decided early on in their relationship that a slight show of possessiveness wouldn't hurt.

"Hey, Chief, could you get me some coffee?" Jim asked once they reached Major Crimes.

"Sure," Blair answered and wandered towards the break room. He never failed to do anything Jim asked him to do, except stay out of danger. One little flaw but someday..... Jim shook himself, Blair was safe, he didn't need to shift into Blessed Protector mode.

"Why the shudder, Jimmy?" Carolyn Plummer caught his eye as she passed. Rumour had it she was thinking of leaving Cascade. She hadn't said anything to him, not that she had to, but Jim had gotten the impression over the past few months she was unhappy here. It was funny how, now that they were divorced, he was more sensitive to her moods. His Sentinel abilities had opened whole new worlds, freeing his senses from the prison where they'd been locked all his life. Carolyn wasn't at fault for their break up, she had honestly cared about him, but he'd been unable to share with her the thing she had wanted most - his soul. The year they had been together Jim came to realise that if Carolyn saw inside him she would back away, terrified by the darkness he carried around within him. It had driven them apart and marked him as a loner. Until Sandburg.

"Just a chill," Jim remarked. He watched her enter the break room and sighed. Blair was at the coffee machine filling a cup. Knowing he'd regret it, Jim focused on the exchange.

"Sandburg." Carolyn's voice was silky smooth, a cat toying with a captive mouse.

"Carolyn, hey. Good morning." Jim winced as Blair's heart rate sped up. He heard the nervous tap of Sandburg's feet and the rustle of clothing as Blair figured out how to escape. Jim shook his head, his ex-wife and his best friend had never hit it off. She made the kid nervous and Blair made her...angry?

"Nice shirt." Ah, there. Just a hint but Carolyn's tone had that edge Jim remembered so well. It was just a thin sliver of contempt but he could hear it. She'd used it on him enough for Jim to recognise it instantly. The last months of their marriage it had been there in every conversation they had and many more they didn't. Cold, sharp anger pierced Jim's heart. He would not subject Blair to this, his partner hadn't done anything to deserve her contempt. Jim pushed his way across the bullpen with absently tossed apologies.

"Secure enough with your masculinity to wear that?" Carolyn goaded. Jim saw Blair glance down, dark brows furrowed with confusion, hand plucking at the hem of the shirt.

"What's wrong with it?" Sandburg murmured.

Damn it, Jim thought to himself, no way was he going to let her make Sandburg start doubting himself, or change in even this tiny way. Blair was Blair - unconventional, unconcerned and unselfconscious and by god, he wouldn't let anyone change that. His partner wasn't naive, not by a hell of a lot, just blissfully unconcerned by other's opinions of him. Blair just expected everyone to accept him the way he accepted them - unconditionally. Jim found he couldn't take the risk of Carolyn changing anything about Sandburg. She'd tried her damnedest to change him, to make him fit into her image of what he should be and do. The shirt had been part of that, it wasn't Jim Ellison, never had been and never would be. But it was Blair Sandburg and she wasn't going to make Blair second guess himself.

"Hey, Chief," Jim called, opening the door. "I need to talk to Carolyn for a minute, okay?" Blair's relief expressed itself in a grin and the way he practically threw himself at Ellison. Jim caught him by the arm, pulling him closer, "if I'm not out in twenty minutes come in and get me."

Blair ducked under his arm, "you're on your own, big guy," he whispered so that only Jim would hear and was gone.

"Carolyn...."

"Don't start, Jimmy," Carolyn told him, "I wasn't picking on your.....uh, friend." She smiled sweetly and stepped closer, one red nail tracing his jaw, "don't you think you're taking this big brother role a little too far? People are starting to talk, Jim."

Jim stared into her eyes, musing on private memories. They had been good together, in the beginning, and part of him wanted what they'd had then. But an even more terrifying realisation washed over Jim, he wanted what they'd had, but he wanted it with Blair. He felt a flush creep over his cheeks, deepening to crimson as visions of crushing Sandburg to him filled his mind.

"Jim!" The worry in Carolyn's voice broke through and Ellison took a swaying step back. His sat down hard in the chair which caught the back of his knees. He wanted Blair. He wanted to pull Blair into his arms, knowing his friend would be a perfect fit, and he wanted to bury his face in that long, curly hair. He wanted the heady sensation of lips on his neck, the strength of Sandburg's arms locked in the small of his back, he wanted to slowly, worshipfully, undress Blair and make love to him. Desire had hit him like a fist and Jim doubled over from the force. "Jim! My god, what is it? Are you ill?" Carolyn knelt beside him, her hands tight on his wrists. Ellison took a calming breath, let it out slowly and forced himself to sit up.

"I'm....I'm okay," Jim rasped. He cleared his throat, trying to meet her eyes without betraying himself. "Really, Carolyn. I'm fine." He smiled, a wavering lift to his lips but she nodded. "I haven't slept much this week, guess it's catching up with me." She waited a moment, until he rose to his feet and then she smiled gently.

"Take care of yourself, Jimmy." And she was striding out the door. Ellison watched her go and felt a bubble of relief well in his gut. It ruptured almost immediately, he had to go out there and face Blair. Sandburg, the walking hormone, how the hell was he going to survive being with Blair twenty-four hours a day and not reveal how much he desired him? Jim looked across the room. Blair was seated at his desk, staring intently at the computer screen but as Ellison watched, his Guide's head came up, eyes locking with Jim's. A tingling began in the pit of Ellison's stomach, spreading throughout his body, he focused on Blair and heard the sharp intake of breath clearly. It was as if a sensual light had passed between them, bathing both in the same sea of longing. Jim looked away, moving restlessly as he fought to control his erratic pulse. He fumbled with the coffee pot, scalding his fingers in his haste. He could feel Blair's eyes boring a hole in his back but refused to meet them again. He needed time to think and took it as he cleaned up his mess, refilled the cup and stared blankly at a Kit Kat he had no intention of eating. It wasn't until the door opened that Jim realized he'd been reading the candy bar ingredients as avidly as he would a library book.

"Hey, Jim." Simon Banks' voice echoed around the tiny room, startling Ellison out of his fugue. "Carolyn just called up, she's got results from the Callen case." A frown cross Simon's dark face, "You alright?"

"Yeah, sure." Jim followed his captain, feeling Blair's eyes on him all the way across the room. When he reached the door, Jim paused. Whatever he felt for Blair he had to take it slowly, Sandburg trusted him. He could not harm the friendship they had, it was more precious to him than anything in his life. Chewing his lip, Jim cast one last glance at Blair before getting on the elevator. Sandburg continued to stare at him and the heart rending tenderness of that gaze stayed with Ellison as the doors closed.

".......and then he mentions dating someone named Raven. Are you listening to me?" Banks asked.

"What? Oh yeah, Daryl, Raven, I heard." Jim smiled at his friend, hoping Simon couldn't tell his heart was slamming against his ribs and his stomach had suddenly somersaulted into his throat. Had he just never noticed the way Sandburg looked at him before? Or had it been a trick of the light? Or was he losing his mind? Blair had never shown the slightest interest in men, he lusted after every women he'd ever met. Of course none of those relationships had ever been permanent, Sandburg didn't form long term relations. A quick, disturbing thought half formed in Jim's mind; what if Blair didn't stay with him? What if once he had his senses under control and Blair had his paper, the younger man packed up and left? 'You'll go on alone' a small frightened voice deep inside assured Jim, but his heart didn't believe it. A pain squeezed his chest and Jim realized he didn't want Blair to leave him - ever.

"Ellison? What the hell is wrong with you?" Concern softened Banks' word, he stood holding the elevator door open, waiting for Jim to exit. Jim shook his head, he should talk to Sandburg but right now he had a job to do. He and Simon made their way along the hall to the forensic labs. Jim had to concentrate, the cacophony of smells in this part of the station made him sick every time he ventured down here. He turned his sense of smell down as far as possible and still a queasy feeling gripped his stomach.

"Simon, Jim," Carolyn greeted them. "Callen's clothes confirm it was his blood. There was nothing else we could determine from them," she held up a plastic bag. "I wish we could have found more." Ellison took the bag and stared intently at the blood stained shirt. He could hear Carolyn and Simon talking quietly about the case but a tiny fleck of light bouncing back into his eye made Jim pause. He opened the bag, glad he couldn't smell the blood, and examined the broken pin still attached to the cloth. He focused, making his eyesight a narrow tunnel directly to his brain. Words jumped out at him, filling his field of vision as everything else faded. Just before he slipped down into a zone out, Jim thought he called Blair's name.

"What was that, Jim?" Carolyn turned from the file she and Simon were looking over. Jim sat slumped at the counter, eyes unfocused, the bloody shirt crumpled at his feet. "Jim? What the hell is wrong?"

Banks didn't stop to explain, he was reaching for the phone and dialing Jim's desk as Carolyn rushed to the detective's aid. "Ellison," Blair's voice answered.

"Get down to forensics, Sandburg. Now!" He heard the phone hit the cradle almost before he was done speaking. Less than a minute later the clatter of footsteps on the stairs was heard. Wild hair flying, Blair threw himself towards his Sentinel.

"Jim. Come on, man," Sandburg called. Contrary to his hasty entrance, his voice was calm, his manner soothing. He knelt before Jim, hands on the older man's knees, staring up at his partner, "Jim, come back to me. I'm right here and all you have to do is follow my voice back."

"What the hell is going on?" Carolyn shouted.

"Let Sandburg work."

"Work! Jim is having a seizure, he could die, Simon," a panicked edge rippled through Carolyn's voice. "I don't know what Sandburg is playing at but I'm calling an ambulance." She moved to the phone, preparing to get medical help.

"Carolyn, Blair is the only one who can help Jim right now. Just give him a few minutes, okay?" Their exchange had no effect on the other two. Blair continued to speak softly, coaxing Ellison back, hands gently rubbing along Jim's knees.

"That's it, Jim," Blair's voice dropped in volume, "Yeah, that's it." Carolyn shot a glance over at Simon, she saw no difference despite Blair's evident relief, Ellison still sat listlessly. Then suddenly Jim took a deep, shuddering breath. His hands tightened reflexively on Sandburg's hands. Banks saw the younger man wince but Blair didn't make a sound other than a gentle calling of his partner's name.

"Blair?" Jim blinked, shaking his head to clear it.

"Who else?"

"Thanks, Chief." His hands slowly eased their desperate grip and when he saw the angry red marks he'd caused he frowned. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

"Come on, Jim," Blair chided, "I get worse than this walking across the room." He smiled then and stood.

"Jim?" Carolyn, an anxious look on her face, touched his shoulder. "Please, you're not well. I want you to promise you'll see a doctor."

"Carolyn, I'm fine, really." Jim stood, one hand still clutching Sandburg's arm. "But if it's alright, Simon, I'd like to go home."

"Let Sandburg drive," Simon ordered. Jim nodded. He and Sandburg headed for the parking lot, Blair dipping his hand into Ellison's pocket to retrieve the keys. Jim suppressed the shiver those clever fingers produced. He knew he wanted Blair, knew it with an unwavering urgency, but Sandburg....Sandburg wouldn't want him. Sure they were friends, close friends, but to suddenly begin to have these feelings for another man. No, Blair might be unconventional but he'd never shown any signs he harboured deeper feelings for his roommate than those of friendship.

"You okay, Jim," Blair asked, his blue eyes stabbing Jim through the heart. Ellison sighed, something in his friend's manner soothed him, as if Blair was telling him just by being there that everything would be alright, that they would go through whatever it was together.

"Yeah, Chief," Jim murmured. "I'm okay." Despite his professions, he used the zone out as an excuse to distance himself. When they got to the loft, he pleaded a headache and went up to his bed. Sleep didn't grace his mind as he lay sprawled across the cool sheets. Instead images of Blair plagued his brain. In those fantasies his partner smiled, warmth radiating, pooling in his eyes. Jim was surprised by the smouldering flame he saw there. They moved together, walking in sunlight, touching gently, reverently as a prelude to more adventurous actions. Jim could feel his friend's hesitation and moved closer, instinctively shielding Sandburg. But as his arms went around Blair, pulling him closer, Blair turned and kissed him.

The kiss sang through Jim's veins, it raced from his lips to his brain and straight to his heart. As Sandburg pulled away, a burning desire, and aching need to have just one more kiss filled Jim. He traced a fingertip across Blair's swollen lips then pressed it to his own, feeling Sandburg there, tasting him. And with that image still tumbling through his mind Jim let fantasy slip into reality. He heard the moan escape his lips and knew Blair, his vigilant companion, would hear and come to him.

"Hey?" The soft sound of Blair's voice rang in Jim's ears, bringing a smile to his lips. "Uh, I...I just thought..." His words faded even from the range of Sentinel hearing and he shrugged.

"Chief?"

Sandburg just shook his head, brushing his hair back when it fell into his eyes. "Jim, maybe I'm stupid," he raised a hand forestalling Ellison's protests, "but I thought we were friends."

"Blair! What - what are you saying?" Ellison sat up, reaching out to capture the younger man's face in his hand. The feel of skin beneath his fingers, the slight pounding of blood through living flesh enthralled Ellison. He let his fingers smooth across Blair's stubbled chin and his eyes speak for him.

"Friends don't lie to each other, Jim. Friends tell each other what they feel, what they want and need," he glanced away, eyes filled with sorrow. "I thought you could tell me anything."

"Blair," Jim shook his head, fear gnawing at his confidence. "Blair," he began again, "what if I told you something and you hated me for it?"

"Never." It was said with such certainty, such conviction of spirit that Ellison felt the word bolster his resolve.

"What if I said every time I look at you I see a person so strong and brave, so courageous it takes my breath away? What if I said when I look at you I see the best friend I've ever had and that I couldn't survive if you ever went away?"

"Then I'd say I would never leave," Blair whispered. He reached out, fingers icy against Jim's cheek and for what seemed an eternity the two men stared at each other and then Sandburg was pulling him closer. Lips hungrily covering Jim's, a command which could not be disobeyed. He pressed forward, easing them down onto the bed, a warm weight across Ellison's chest. Instinctively they arched towards each other, seeking the completion each knew the other offered. Jim found himself drowning in Blair's essence, his hands mapping Blair's back, moulding to his buttocks. The groan of desire his actions provoked drove itself deep into his mouth as Sandburg continued the kiss he'd begun. When clothing hindered their exploration it was ripped from their bodies by wild hands so that nothing could stand between them, not anymore. Desire ruled them, blotting out thought and leaving only passion behind as the night turned them from friends to something much, much more.

"Hey, you wearing that?"

"What the hell's wrong with it?" Ellison demanded.

"I don't know, big guy," Sandburg laughed, "thought it wasn't your style." He stepped closer, arms winding around Ellison's waist, his mouth busy nibbling the smooth skin of Jim's neck.

"Uuuhh, Blair," Jim cleared his throat and tried to take a step back from the rabid mouth attaching him. "Don't start, Chief. We don't have.......," he shuddered as a particularly sensitive spot was laved by a hot tongue, "....we don't have time."

"Not if you're going to change that shirt, man," Blair said. With one last lick, he raised his head and stared at the older man's flushed face.

"I'm not changing it," Jim said with finality. He checked his reflection in the mirror. Pink, lime green, yellow and orange, the shirt wasn't his usual style but a man could change. A man could look deep within himself and face the feelings he had thought would kill him. A man could find what he had searched for all his life. A man could do all this, if he had the proper guide.

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