Note: Too many people didn’t like the way Alone Again ended so here’s a bit more.
Baby, I love you
Blair could feel it like a hand resting on his shoulder, a sadness he couldn't shake, couldn't ignore. Each time Nikki paused, each time her green eyes released him, it rushed back in and filled him. It wasn't new, this sadness, it had followed him from pace to place seeking him out even in the most remote of jungles, catching up within a few months no matter where he hide. He'd thought his move to Cascade had confused the sadness because this time it had stayed away for almost two years now. He hadn't even missed it, seeing it only once or twice since his arrival but the odd thing was it had been reflected in another's eyes. It had been in Jim's eyes.
And that's why it had returned now, with a vengeance. Blair knew, from his own intimate relationship with sadness, that Jim would have never admitted it its possession of his heart. This weight was clever, it seduced you into believing there was no escape, that nothing you could do would set you free. It grew and grew and soon you wanted nothing anymore but your loneliness.
Blair had given it a lot of thought, he'd used the past week running scenarios through his brain - trying to figure out how he had escaped the sadness' notice for the past two years and how he could help Jim.
Jim shouldn't be sad. Jim was to special to be sad, but he seemed even more intimate with it than Blair had. There were times lately when Blair had looked into his friend's face and wanted nothing more than to hold him until it passed. But he hadn't done it. He remembered on Monday, how they had planned to spend Friday evening together in celebration of his project' completion. Jim had seemed okay until he chanced to look back as he walked to his room. Jim sat staring into the middle distance after him, his eyes filled with shadows. That shadow, the sadness' telltale sign, had haunted him all week, filling his thoughts until he knew.
He knew he was the cause of Jim's sadness. Somehow he had hurt his partner. He was a reminder of all the things which had happened in Jim's life, all the things he couldn't control, all the sorrow which had befallen him. He'd thought, only weeks ago, that their friendship was everything either could want. They fit together, they shared their lives in a way Blair had only ever dreamed about. He loved Jim. He loved Jim.
And so, the answer had come. Jim must have come to understand the depth of Blair's feelings and the sadness had come from the loss of their friendship, the end of their closeness. He would never say anything, he wouldn't hurt Blair like that, he would just let the sadness fill him.
He should have faced it, Blair knew. He should have gone out to dinner with Jim and in the quiet moments of their friendship, he should have confessed his feelings and asked him to overlook them and banish the sadness. They could do it, Jim would never show his disgust, his disappointment, but the sadness would still be there. And so, with Nikki still talking, Blair pretended he could live his life with the pain in Jim's eyes.
Blair opened the door, not surprised by the darkness. Jim sometimes went to bed early. He was, however, surprised by the open balcony doors, Jim never left doors open. Blair stepped closer and the lone shape standing guard over a quiet city tore his heart to shreds. He couldn't do it. He could not ignore what he felt, what he wanted from his partner. He would look into the sadness and ray there would still be some of the love Jim had for him reflected there. He needed, just once, to be held by Jim.
Blair moved up behind his partner and waited for him to turn. Jim's face held the sadness barely contained, it radiated from his eyes. "Jim," it came out a sob, the sadness had found him, filling him until it spilled from his eyes.
"Sssh," Jim soothed. Strong arms embraced Blair, pulling him tight and the sadness began to fade, repelled by its equal. It lifted slowly, coaxed aloft by the heart beating beneath his ear, by the hand which cradled his head, by the lips which whispered gentle words. Blair let himself go, he loosened his hold on the sadness and instead clasped Jim's hand in his. And in that moment, when his eyes met those of the man he loved more than life, he knew the sadness was gone forever.