1 Bathroom-just out of bed - Big, rotten eggs and sour milk
2 Bathroom-after peeing - Loud echo in bowl... same smell, followed by soft yellow dump with dark flecks.
3 Making breakfast - SBD... more of a swamp gas style...
4 At computer - SBD... rotten cabbage now
5-8 Parking Lot, lunchtime - Dumped accumulated gas, rapid fire, big volume, traffic sounds covered the noise, heat increasing each time, I caught a whiff despite the windy day, NOT pleasant. Couple guys downwind of me, maybe 50 feet, looked at each other suspiciously...
9 Public Restroom - I did a really bad one while peeing, left the area FAST, on my way out I heard a girl starting to cough...
10 Outside work area, PM - Knew I had to leave the desk to drop this one, could feel heat and cramps in my tummy, burned like hot coals coming out, pretty ripe...
11-13 Slipped off to bathroom to drop these, while preparing a nice evening meal for myself and my guy. Trend was now to hot, rotten cat poop smell, hint of pukey smell. Tummy not happy.
14 Dropped this one outside. Definite pukey smell now.
15, 16 same. We watched a rented movie. I got up and went outside to drop these two. VERY pukey smell, probably could bring up someone's lunch if they got it point blank...
17 Same thing. Though I left the room, I got accused of "bringing it back in with me" this time, so I changed from denim jeans to a skirt... my guy used the term "tear gas" to describe that one. When I removed my jeans, I could still smell it in the cloth, so I guess he had a point...
18 VERY strong pukey smell. Fanned skirt vigorously and walked around a while, then went back in house. Seemed to help...
19-20 Took a dump. Yellowish green, in fact, and lots of it... somehow the wallpaper stayed up... stunk the house up some...
21 Just now. Ripe cheese... and, well, I'm off, time to grab a shower... and the rest of this evening is NOT for public consumption, if you know what I mean...!
Well, there's the first day's data. I don't THINK I farted all that much more than usual... we'll have to see how the numbers look after a few more days...?
[I had a bit more fun with this stuff today, knowing it would probably be reported later...]
Odd sort of fart day, the first thing in the morning fart was missing. Got up, made breakfast, nothing...
After breakfast, spent a while in the bathroom getting ready for the day, farted number one while brushing teeth.
Dry fart, spoiled broccoli smell, it really stayed around the sink... so I didn't, instead I finished with the toothbrush at a safe distance...
Took the morning dump for good measure... color of cardboard and kind of grainy... smelled like burnt eggs and cabbage...
Next one was while picking out what I was going to wear for the day. Very rich cabbagy smell, really followed me around.
Got dressed, hopped in the car to run an errand, blew off two walking to the car, sort of loud and raspy.
Aerosmith on the radio - F.I.N.E. was the song - and I thought how it applied to the stuff going on in the white house, farted a few times to the music, I'll guess about four into the car seat. Still cabbagy, still very rich in aromas, persistent but not really deadly... the sort of fart that you revel in if you do it yourself, but HATE if it comes from a stranger...
Stopped at the video store, returned a tape. Looked at some tapes on the shelves, felt REALLY full of gas and so I slipped an sbd walking up the aisle, small puff every step, got to the far end of the store, picked another tape, and left... walking down the adjacent aisle... still could detect it there, but nobody happened to walk through the cloud that whole time... the cabbage was getting more eggy now, I noticed...
Back in the car, the aroma of the morning's misdeeds returned when I sat in the car seat again...
Nothing much until lunch time, just a sandwich and apple juice, but within an hour I was at it again... four more, during the afternoon, still the thick rich type, sitting at the desk... the last two were getting to be a bit eye-watering, rotten for others to smell, on the verge of being hard for me to hang around and breathe, but on the whole, it was still a fairly mild fart day for yours truly...
Stopped off at the mall for some stuff before the day was out, went to pay for some blank R/W CD's, and got the famous "Clerk who ignores you" - you know, who will do ANYTHING before checking out your lousy twenty dollar purchase...
Things were looking up a bit, gas wise, and I was thinking about the fun that could be had here sharing the story later, so I walked around the teeny little store, and whiffed off a nice big SBD in the front and back of the place, everywhere BUT the check out desk, and then returned to the clerk and made a forced eye contact... this was enough to get him to walk away on some supposed errand... it worked as planned!
This was fun! The guy walked around the store like a trapped rat, from front to back, twice. Finally, he went into the back room... with an obvious look of discomfort...
So, I figured I'd made my point, and put the cd's on the counter, and left the place... decided to order them now, over the web, actually...
Back home, three more since, all eye watering, still on the cabbage theme, but hot and burning tonight...
So, count for day two stands at 18...
Oh, make that 19 - I ripped one in the early hours of this morning, in bed, half awake (at least until then!), forgot to mention it until now...
Today went MUCH the opposite of yesterday...ROUGH fart day... those with weak stomachs may wish to pull out, now... or at least pretend to themselves that this all wasn't real...
Yesterday, supper featured a really nice onion soup, where the bowl is actually the onion... yeah, I know, this is tempting fate... but delicious, one of those giant sweet onions they grow in Georgia, the soup, cheese on top...mmmm... I was full from just eating that, but went on with a nice, rare steak... broccoli and carrots for the veggie... and some microbrewed dark beer...
Well, at about 2am this morning, the onion apparently came back to say a cheerful "Hi, there!"... and I woke up gagging, with watery eyes. Hot, rotten sweatsocks and brimstone smell, with an oniony follower.
Ok, into the kitchen, with open windows in the bedroom. Grabbed a glass of iced tea, farted again, hard, in the kitchen, and quickly tottered off to bed...
Around 5am, the first fart's nasty big brother dropped by. Woke up coughing, ran out of the room, into the bathroom... wiped eyes, blew nose... waited for cookies to settle back into place before ducking in and out of the bedroom to open the window...
This was a rough day already, and I hadn't even officially got out of bed!
Well, I thought of letting the window open, but it was pretty cool outside for that... so I left it open a bit, and dozed off again... the alarm went off immediately, or at least it seemed so... and let the day begin!
Ok, I got out of bed, and felt the morning fart waiting there for me. Into the bathroom, turn on the fan, flip up the nightshirt, and "Brrrrrrrraaapppppp!" Wave of heat, burnt my butt, and I caught a little whiff of it on the way out the door. Oh, dear...
Breakfast first, then into the bathroom... nice dress today, the dark power-suit get-up, sales trip today...
Took a moment to fart myself out a bit, three hot nasty ones, with a pause between each where I could feel the next one moving into position. These produced a wave of heat that spread through my panties, then crawled up my back. I walked around a bit, then I got into the car. Sorry if that sounds a bit chicken of me, but I didn't want to have to be at ground zero today...
Completed the sales visit, and then broke for lunch with the client... got into a position where I'd been with this guy for a couple hours, was in a restaurant, and I'd built up enough gas to have it coming out of my ears...
Visited the ladie's room, it was full of poor innocents, peed, stayed as long as I could, but the crowd did not diminish, and so I finally just had to let the gas go, quietly. Long, hot, whooshing SBD, something like the forum pic. Bad. Quite bad. Let's just say that I had no friends there after that... many comments were made, but of them all, the phrase "Fucken' A! Who died in here?" was my favorite, uttered by someone who walked in right about when I walked out... and it followed me out the door and past the first two tables closest to the rest rooms...
I spent a lot of time hiding several toots throught the rest of the workday, final count was 13 by the end of the day.
Met the guy for a pizza, with, yeah, more dark foamy brew... I like the stuff, and at this point, what did I have to lose? Actually think I get more out of the cheese on the things, than the brew... I don't have trouble digesting dairy products, I digest them just fine, it's the folks around me who have the trouble with it...:)
Went to the restroom at the pizza place, followed three innocent young girls in the door, like the oldest was maybe sixteen, the other two could not have been five feet tall nor over 80 pounds, and as they went into the stalls, suddenly I had a vision of someone torturing and killing helpless little bunny rabbits with nerve gas... changed my mind and walked outside for a little while instead. Dropped three hot nasty bombs, burned like fire, then spread around my panties.
We stopped by Wal Mart, to pick up a few minor items. This, for those who don't know them, is a cheap chain store full of hidden cameras and shoddy merchandise, that is there to try and be the department store equivalent of McDonalds...
Well, I bought my stuff, actually mostly a couple light bulbs for the bathroom mirror, the kind that are like small spheres, and we checked out at the exit next to lawn and garden. This leads to a door, which goes through lawn and garden, then a gate, and out to the parking lot...
The "People Greeter" was there at the second gate as we strolled by with our purchases in a bag, a sour looking woman with a sour disposition, and she stopped us and demanded to know what we had in the bag, and if it was paid for, and could she see the receipt?
This sort of thing pisses me off... I'm not a crook and I resent being treated like one by someone who works in a shit hole like that... where they check HER lunchbox when she leaves work every day, by the way...
But before I could open my mouth, my guy had already told her to go soak her head, or words to that effect... well, another "Associate" joined her and they both blocked the gate and said they would have to call security.
I suggested they call the manager, too, and the local police, as I wanted a record of this and wanted to lodge a formal complaint.
Stroke of genius time... my significant other looked me in the eye, and said "I'll just wait over here, and you stay at that gate and deal with this little problem... Ok, Jilly?"
Perfect. SBD 17 was born in some very annoying circumstances, complete with a nasty little grin on my face, I was later told.
Putrid onions, stinky vomit, and raw fire!! I couldn't begin to take that one, even in the hope of sucking them into it, so I backed up a few feet before it reached my nose fully. Old pickle puss followed, right smack into it.
Yup. Internet history is being made. You all have a ringside seat at the delivery of a barf-inducing fart. The second victim got enough to move back several feet, and be bent over holding her mouth and be alternately heaving and swallowing.
Meanwhile, the manager had shown up, and my guy had explained that they were attempting to search us... and we'd given them no cause, certainly, and he was making fair progress when the barf party started...
Manager wanted to know what was wrong with picklepuss and her helper. I put on my best little girl voice and said "S'cuse me, I made a little stinky." Thought my guy was going to swallow his tongue right then - he managed to turn the crack-up into a fake coughing fit.
It was easy from there, pickle puss was in no mood to push the point, and her helper wasn't coming within ten feet of me again, so we offered to wait WITH HIM IN HIS OFFICE until the police showed, or would he rather apologize now and let us go?
He finally caught on, and with, I think, a twinkle in his eye, he decided to let us go with an "I'm sorry for any inconvenience we may have caused you folks. DO feel free to visit us again."
We laughed the whole way to the car...
Anyway, I gotta go, we are heading out for some late night refreshment and he's due here again any minute...
But the count for today stands at 19...
Got in late last night, interesting evening. Neat dance place, had a really good band. We encountered a bar tender who really understood Tequila... with orange juice and otherwise... and they had some nifty little sausages and fried mushrooms for munchies, and stuffed jalapeno peppers on chips...
Midnight came and went, so the count for today started... by the time the eve was over and I was back home, the count was two.
Grabbed a late night shower, and hit the sack. Didn't do much but sleep, so far as I know, until morning came.
Woke up in an odd position, with a bit of a back pain, rolled onto my side in bed... dozed a bit... realized I was alone in bed, and a little too sleepy to get up yet... and so farted out a great big raspy one, I was really half awake, and it was not really a conscious decision, more like I was just too dopey to be in charge of things. Don't remember much about it, except that it was big, and gave me a sort of warm feeling down below, and it was very eggy when it got up above the covers.
Did the same thing, twice again, before stumbling out of bed to go pee and start the day. Also pooped, the less said about that one the better, but yesterday's nasties finally were gone, in the form of fizzy soft yellow granules about like cottage cheese, and I left the fan running when finished. Also, I was now FULLY awake...phew...
Walking toward the kitchen, I noticed an eggy odor coming from that direction, not so nasty this time, but eggy anyway.
Surprise! The guy was there making ME breakfast! Gotta love this sort of thing... Pancakes, sausage and EGGS... hmmm. At least that explained the egg aroma...
What a kidder - "I heard you waking up... didn't get any on you, did ya?" Mrff....
Breakfast was delicious, if filling, and we planned some stuff for the weekend and suchlike before the clock caught up and we had to face up to the prospect of a day's work...
Two in the car, going from eggy to something more in the fried mushroom world, with an unusual persistence, maybe due to the drinks the night before?
Quiet all morning, no need to do fireworks, went with some friends to lunch. Lagged behind the gang in the parking lot and let one go free... I decided to give the calories a rest, and based on one of the girl's advice, I asked for a chef's salad.
You HAD to see the salad - it was huge, had everything BUT lettuce in it. Spinach was the base, sliced eggs pickled with beets, black and green and shriveled black spiced olives, broccoli, teeny fresh brussels sprouts, navy, kidney, and garbanzo beans aplenty, mini tomatoes, some cubed mystery meats, three or four cheeses, on of which was a blue cheese that looked moldy enough to invade a small country, another was that greek cheese, some buttery cheese from perhaps Finland, and some really nifty shredded Romano, I think... also featured radished, red and white, some fresh horseradish shredded over the whole thing, and eight hot peppers arranged in a radial circle on top, the nasty red crooked things that look like a witch's finger... and with a buttermilk dressing on the side. oh yeah, did I mention it also had sweet peppers and anchovies... Obviously the chef had an attitude...
Sometimes, you gotta just go with the flow. When they brought the food, we also got plates to share it around. I shared a pound of this mountain around with the gang, got some fried zucchini, pickled artichoke hearts, swedish meatballs and such in return.
A fruity sangria type drink was provided with the meal... and I got sucked in on that deal, too...
Last hour of the workday, it started to set in... three toots there, all warm on the cheeks, quite penetrating, and rotten mushroomy... and two in the parking lot, three in the car... one before entering the house...
Since then, I've been averaging quite high... smell is drifting into the sewer gas world - not sulfur, but instead cabbage gone bad, and the heat is mounting still...
The count since getting home is fourteen! This constitutes 31 total for the day so far.
Anyway, I gotta go for now, the guy is bringing a video over, and we are going to watch it...
Uh, make it 33. Yup, same swamp gas, but getting hotter...
Well, last night, the guy brought the video over, and some sparkly white wine, and we made popcorn and snuggled onto the sofa... it was pushing midnight when he arrived, and I figured I'd better not fart until after midnight, in the name of science... after all, I'd already reported the total for the day, can't goof up the experiment...!
So, midnite is approaching, and I'm so full of gas my beady little eyes are crossing... and my tummy is rolling and growling like some demented bear... at the stroke of midnight, this lil' cinderella hopped off the sofa, and went off onto the porch to blast off all those accumulated goodies. Really loud - BRRRRR - RRRRR- Rrrrrr- RAPPPP! Still the sewer gas smell, warm but not hot. It wasn't so warm outside, though...
Back to the sofa and a warm snuggle. Sip of bubbly, nibble of popcorn, more movie and talk... and the pressure was building again. Held it in, didn't want to leave, didn't want to toot...
Shortly, my tummy was rolling loudly again, and I was not too comfortable. The guy noticed this, and said "If you're doing that to impress me, you don't have to." He seemed serious about it, too.
I said I just wanted to stay on the sofa with him. "Bad today?", he asked. "Not outrageous, but this is so nice I'd hate to ruin the mood for you."
So, he said "I'll join you, then." and he farted! YES!!! He's got good social instincts, this one...
For those interested, his was a big, bitter smelling rotten egger...
I did a medium-size sewer gas surprise, and he didn't object, so I got a little bolder and followed it up with a much larger one to get rid of all that gas... probably twice the volume and length of his toot... turned out it was a bit worse indoors than I expected, but he hung right in there without a whimper...
Over the course of the next hour, I popped off three more, not so huge as that one, probably because I wasn't holding it in...
Anyway, after the movie, things got a bit more romantic, and the guy and I eventually retired upstairs for the night. I won't provide details about THAT... but it is relevant to the next part of the story.
Around three AM I woke up, suppressed the urge to pass gas, and went into the bathroom instead. For a while I was very busy - peeing, pooping and farting... One loud fart, that I will count, and some gas with the poop that I don't think qualifies as a fart for the count. Geez, I'm getting to be a nitpicker... ! Poop was run of the mill, just a very soft yellow peanut butter...
Back to the sack. The guy got up and went to pee, walked right into the toxic zone I'd left behind, I heard a few coughs but he came back without a word.
He knew I was awake. A bit later, HE farted an SBD, and flipped the covers over my head! I think (hope?) he is finally getting into this stuff! This was all good for a laugh, he ribbed me about leaving a toxic wasteland in wait for him.
Next thing I knew, it was time to get up. I figured I'd return the favor he did me, so I popped one out under the sheets, then carefully slipped away, leaving it intact under there.
I went over to the bathroom, switched the light on with the door still open... light went right in his eyes, woke him up, and ...YES!... he flipped the covers over his head! "Aaaghh!"
Over breakfast, we argued about who owed one to whom, decided not to get TOO carried away with this little game...
Anyway, the rest of today was nothing-burger from the interesting story angle, but still ok from the fart angle. Two morning farts, four afternoon ones, nose-wise I've moved from sewer gas to badly decayed meat...
This evening, the range is increasing, I think I'm getting ready to birth a few crowd-fixers... each time I toot, I render a whole room, or more often two rooms, unfit for polite company...
Anyway, the count for today is 17... and I'm going to start counting them from posting to posting instead of midnight to midnight. Hurts too much to hold it in that long!
[Quality, not quantity, was the theme for today... and it was INTENSE...
Some days it sucks to be me... but, here we go for day number six...
Took a while to get this posted, had several error messages accessing the forum...]
Anyway, I had a hint that something new was developing last night. I awoke early this morning, into the bathroom, no morning toot, no morning dump, nothing but pee. Deep yellow, lots, and very satisfying to get rid of... but no gas. Very un-jilly, strange...
Got some clothes on, and rushed off to meet the guy for breakfast. Once outside, I thought I'd do the first one of the day, but nope! Stranger still...
We met and went to a nice little family owned place for breakfast. Mmmm... everyone has their price, they say, and for me fresh blueberries and whipped cream on a belgian waffle today was about right...
It was during the after-breakfast walk that I let the first toot of the day free. I should have known... last night I was getting into clear the room form, but THIS was over the top - it was a VERY good thing that we were walking outdoors! Despite a mild breeze we both got a heavy dose of it - yahoo!!
Can't say I know how to describe this particular flavor of toot. Something like a paper mill smell, deeply penetrating, with an acrid pukey smell that made me think of heartburn, and an overlay of skunkiness. Eyes watering, stomach working on reversing that lovely breakfast we'd just enjoyed, we walked a LOT faster for a while, my poor guy just stares at me like "Where the hell did THAT come from?" and I'm just feeling SO sorry I did it. I had no idea it would be that nasty, there was no heat with it or anything that would tip me off that it was coming.
We walked on a ways, and another one built up. I let him walk ahead of me, took a deep breath, and let number two fly free - followed by walking and fanning for about ten paces before I took a cautious breath. Much better that way... spent the rest of the morning just enjoying a pretty day, no more of this stuff came to visit me.
Parted ways with the guy, ducked home for lunch, and to pick up my stuff, and while in the living room I bent to pick up my sneakers, and dropped number three for the day.
Then left the living room. Then left the kitchen. Then grabbed my stuff and left the house!
Whatever was going on, it was ripening with age... no heat coming out, but it smelled even worse now than before.
Undaunted, I made my way to the gym, went through the usual, up to a point...
One of the many goodies they have there is a nice weight machine, and I've been working on my legs, raising a fairly heavy weight for a limited number of reps... by the way, they are building up, but slowly...
Anyway I was happy to get that up to a new personal high, don't laugh here, BH, it is fairly high for ME, I just broke 360 lbs for the first time... and on the third rep, I lost control - not of the weight machine, but of something far, far worse - BRRRRUUUMMMPPP!!!
Nasty part of this was that I could NOT stop it until I let the weight back down. You can fart a LOT of gas in the short time it takes to do this, believe me. And, it ended WET...
Damn vinyl bench seat! NO doubt who did that one... not that it mattered, old number four was huge, loud, and it was in the range best referred to as "Withering Blast of Death"...
If a nastier fart can come from inside a human being, I don't want to know about it, if anyone ever left one like that near me, I'd have acknowledged them the ruler of the world and ran away screaming!
Ever see a gym cleared? I didn't get to see it all that well, my eyes were watering.
I got up and left immediately, gagging, and ran to visit the porcelain goddess, intending to make her an offering of blueberries and waffles. Didn't quite make it there, either. Phooey!!! All over the hall.
Some of the rest of this I got from a friend at the gym, later...
Others apparently took the clue, and were backing off as it hit them, most escaped with their lunch intact, but it was a rout, retreat in confusion took over. Cleared the whole gym for about 15 minutes, I'm told.
I finished cleaning up, changed, returned to the gym, more than a LITTLE bit embarassed, to apologize to the wounded. Wow, did I catch some flack from folks. Can't say I blame them.
Sigh... may need to find a new place... rats!
Anyway, back to the matter at hand...
I managed to drop number five outdoors, and everything was quiet for a few hours. Number six happened just before I began to write this, feels like (finally) I need to take a dump.
(Break in action...)
Yup, just managed a gassy dump. Bathroom fan AND window. Hold breath. Smell is still in my clothes and hair.
I HOPE this stuff is over... I'm afraid to go to bed. I'm not going NEAR the guy until this subsides, either. Durn if I know what caused it...
But, total for today is only seven... and the average, btw, is 19 fpd. (Thats Flatulations Per Day!)
Just the stats for today, day 7...
Mercifully, the nerve gas attack ended last night...
18 poots today, most on a "rotten mystery meat" theme...
Too durn tired to say much more for now, and it was pretty uneventful anyway. Today, as well...
Ok, day nine total, 27 tooters... all vile, two thirds silent...
I think we need more data, but not necessarily from me...
I was just thinking that while we have managed to assemble data on how often *I* fart, we certainly have NOT assembled data on how often the typical girl passes gas... I mean, I'm anything BUT the normal girl next door when it comes to this stuff. Hell, I've made MYSELF barf this week! With the exception of BH's friend "E" and one or two folks I know, there are very few people who live in the same gas world I do.
So, I figure that perhaps what we need is to get more typical girls to start counting, for comparison? I'd be interested in that, myself. Especially the number of farts that have no odor, compared to those that do... I've noticed that other people can do that trick quite often, one person I know does it almost all the time in fact, whereas the last time I did one of those mild ones was back around July?
What do you think? Any volunteers? All we need is a girl who can usually fart without burning a hole in her panties... and who would be willing to keep count for us...
Day 10, count and sounds...
Count for today is 18, smell of the day, all day, is badly spoiled cabbage...
Of all silly things, I have the runs, too... with occasional chunkies in it...
ick!
This makes for some interesting sound effects, at least, though a bit gross...
I did pass quite a few as gently and quietly as possible, just in case, but some were loud, wet ones are tough to describe, but here goes:
Pot-Pot-Pot-Brarrrt.
Blerrrt!
BzzzzzzSplut!
Ft-Platt!
Pfffff-flapp!
And my personal favorite, on the pot, yes, it included some solids, went about like this:
Frrrr-POOM-Pop-pop-ssssss-fss-blatt!
And my LEAST favorite, made no sound at all, but it suddenly shot out and left a big slimy wet spot about like mucous... ugh...
that's it for the day, (I hope!!)
Last 2 days data
Just the science update from this "end"...
17 yesterday, and 22 farts today, respectively.
Decaying roadkill again... except for three absolutely horrible pukers this afternoon, mostly all delivered silent, and away from victims, though I darn near dropped the last one in a crowded bus...
Also did a new "BRRRRRRR-Blub-bub-bupp!" sound this morning...
Updated by Coprologist 28 October, 1998. Text and Data © jillian, 1998