by Lisa on Tue Apr 14, 1998
"ASHLEY!" Heather's voice echoed around the set. "ASHLEY! Where is that lazy whore?" Ashley ran to her boss's side, reflecting on the irony of it all. She and Heather had gone to school together and had always been bitter rivals, especially when it came to acting.
They were both pretty, Ashley a cute blonde and Heather the sexy brunette. Heather had HUGE boobs but Ashley (though smaller) had acting ability, so it was only natural that she got all the leads in the plays, while Heather was stuck being everything from "Tree number one" to "Witch." Everyone thought Ashley would make it in Hollywood before Heather (assuming Heather made it at all) when they both left for fame and fortune. No one banked on the shallowness of society.
Her first week in California, Heather got a walk on part on "The Drew Carry Show" (Big busted stripper # 3) while Ashley got nothing. This continued for a year. Heather's star, propelled by her giant knockers, got higher and higher while Ashley was becoming one of those starving actors she was always hearing about. Finally, a year later she called Heather for a job. So, here she was, Heather's personal assistant.
And Heather never failed to rub it in. Heather was now working on her latest feature: "The Fear." Some action movie with Hollywood's best looking (and available) Man, Ben Jacobs. And today was the "big kissing" scene....
"Yes, Heather?" Ashley said, sweetly. "Ashley, as you know, my scene with Ben is today AND I STILL DON"T HAVE MY BOTTLED WATER! Why is that?" "I.... you're already drinking coffee, Heather." "Oh! So I am." Heather turned and dumped the mug's contents onto Ashley's new shoes. "Go get my water." Ashley walked down to the store and paid $8.97 of her own money for Heather's water. As she walked back to the studio, Ashley just WISHED she could tell Heather where to go and how to get there, but she needed this job! Without it, she would have to go home and give up her dream.
Ashley was so lost in her problems that she dropped her purse. She sighed as she bent to pick it up... and something caught her eye: G&G; Novelty store. Ashley had always loved pranks (in high school, she'd even gotten a few on Heather that she never found out about.) She glanced at her watch.
She still had ten minuets; may as well head in. Ashley entered the store, and was surrounded by memories. Whoopie cushions and red hot gum, itching powder (Heather wasn't so high and mighty with THAT in her bra) and fake vomit. Ahhhh, good times. Then, something caught Ashley's eye: Boom boom pills. The label depicted a party scene.At the center, a girl stood, a humiliated look on her face. Her butt was stuck out and green smoke was coming out of her ass, accompanied by the words "Toot toot." Around her, the other guests where giggling.
Ashley picked up the bottle and turned to the cashier, a middle aged woman. "Excuse me, miss?" She began "Do these do what I think they do?" the lady smiled. "Uh huh" she nodded. "Darlin', two of those pills make more gas in a person then a pot of beans. Work fast, too."Ashley giggled and quickly paid for the pills. Out side, she took 5 pills and ground them up, then poured the powder into Heather's drink and smiled an evil smile.
"What took so long?" Heather asked, greedily snatching the open water from Ashley and gulping the entire thing down. Ashley smiled with delight. "Heather," the director called. "Your wanted on the set." Heather walked onto the set, her loose, white dress flowing as she did. After the scene was set, the Director called "Action" and Heather, hugging Ben, began mumbling through her poorly written lines. "Oh, Tom! How will we ever defeat those naughty international terro..."
Suddenly, Heather's belly began to growl. She looked down nervously. PHURT! Heather struck crimson with shame. She had just farted! The entire set burst into laughter! The director, the crew, Ashley (especially Ashley)... even Ben! He comforted Heather between giggles, assuring her it was ok. "Ok, ok, let's set it up again" the director said, whipping away a tear, holding his ribs. Heather began again. "Oh Tom! How wi....." BLARRRRAT! Heather's bum flapped and her dress blew out. The set burst out laughing again, this time a little quieter.
By the fifth take, nobody was laughing. "Damn it, girl, what the
hell where you eating" Ben said, fanning his nose. They began the
scene again, this time Heather going bow-legged every time she felt a
toot coming on.
"Oh, Tom!" ...she spread her legs
"How will"...spreads her legs
"we ever defeat those naughty"...spreads her legs,
Ben began to crinkle his nose
"international..." frustrated, Heather walked slightly to the left.
PHURRRRRT! BLAP BLAP.....PUTTTTTTTTT! PHURTS! She had a worried look on her face. BLBORPS! "Alright, that's it!" the director screamed. "I try to be a tolerant, patient man but YOU have gone too far!" he walked over to Heather, the smell of rotten eggs permeating his nostrils. "Now, either you get this 'problem' cleared up, or YOU'RE FIRED!"
Heather walked towards her trailer. "ASHLEY!" she called. Her shapely assistant ran to Heather's side, beaming. "Yes, Heather?" "First, wipe that grin off your face" Heather snarled. She handed Ashley a handful of bills. "Go to the drug store and get me every anti-gas medicine you can." Ashley nodded and ran to the store. On the way back, she stopped at the novelty store and picked up a couple more bottles of Boom boom pills. Then, she replaced the medication with more Boom boom pills, and cackled wickedly. This was too easy.
When Ashley arrived back at the set, the crew was gathered around Heather's trailer, listening to the "music".
BLOOOOOOOORT! "Man, I can't believe we can HEAR that", one man said, awestruck.
Ashley entered without knocking. Heather was sitting, shifting uncomfortably, occasionally lifting a cheek to let out a PHRRRRRRRRURRRRRPHT! "Did you get it?" Heather asked. "Uh huh. Here you go." Ashley tossed Heather the bag. She was so desperate to gulp down the pills, she didn't even notice that the safety seals had been broken. Or, that all the pills were the same.
One hour later, Heather emerged from her trailer. "Ok, I'm better" she said. The scene began. Before Heather could even utter one syllable, her ass EXPLODED with smelly gas. BLOOOOOORT!
POOT POOT BLURRRRRT! PHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT! TOOT! PUTT PUTT POOOOOOOO!
Heather got a horrified look on her face and ran into the bathroom. She didn't have to go, but it just seemed right. She burst through the door and ran to the sinks, clutching the counter.
PRHUT PHURT......PLAPPP! The other women began to evacuate the bathroom. Heather stood in the empty bathroom, when Ashley entered, giggling. "Problems, boss?" she asked with glee. "God, what's happening to me?" "And thing are getting worse. The director says you'll never work again." "Ohhhhhhh God. How did this happen?" "I spiked your water. THAT'S RIGHT, I DID IT! HA HA HA!" "Ohhhhhh God" Heather moaned.
Just then the director burst in."That's it, you flatulent bitch! You're FIRED! You'll never work again!" as Heather cried, every now and then farting, the director looked at Ashley. "Say.... can you act?"
***********************************************************************************
Ashley awoke, sun shining down on her. She tossed her arm over Ben's chest and smiled, looking at the ring on her finger. There came a knock at the door that awoke Ben. "Come in" Ashley called, stretching. Heather came in, warring a maid outfit. "Would you like breakfast now, Ma'am?" "Yes, and I'd like it in bed, if you don't mind." Heather nodded,closing the door. Ben moved to the side of the bed and started laying kisses on Ashley's neck. "Why do you keep her around?" he asked. "Oh, come on. She may be a little on the dim side, but she knows how to have a gas!"
By Just A Guy on Tue Apr 7, 1998
Ý
Please don't fart again..I want to light this cigarette
and if I light this cigarette I won't be able to smell it..
I am jonesing for this cigarette
so I ask you please don't don't fart away from where I sit.....
I have been waiting for you to finish..but then again
your ass would do as I wish...you would fart up a storm oh smell
so sweet I can feel it warm..but now I want to enjoy the smell..
and this smoke un lit in my mouth..this is hell...
the smoke would filter out the stench..
Please don't fart again I want to light this cigarette
Take a break ..let me smoke this, on my face I wish you would sit..
but first I need to smoke this cigarette...I'm having a nic fit..
I wanna tear my face off..rip out my hair
but I beg you please spare
..your farts I need to smell
this is hell
I see your beauty, your ass so tender
like an apple I want a bite..and when you fart its splender
whatever that means I don't care -- it rhymes
and you're out of sight...
Please don't fart again..I want to light this cigarette
Oh, Well.
Ý
By Jason on Thu Apr 16, 1998
I was a teacher and in my 6th grade 7th period class for about a month. I heard a fart ring out about 5 or 6 times a class. I wasn't sure who was doing it. It usally happened when I was looking at something on my desk or when I was writing on the blackboard. The whole class laughed everytime this happen but wouldn't tell me who was doing it, until one day I was walking in back of the class and I guess she couldn't hold it in any more: she lifted her butt and farted. It was Jenny. An A student in my class I told her to go to the principal's office and wait there until I got there after class.
After she left the people around her said "Thank you, she stinks everyday!" Well the class ended and I went to the principal's office, where he was talking to a couple of boys. I sat down by Jenny. As soon as I sat down she let out this loud fart. The secretary looked up from her computer. She said "What? so I farted". She kept leaving them. She told me that if I was going to sit by her I would have to smell her farts. Now me being a fart smeller loved it, but I had to be professional about it. So I just sat there smelled and didn't talk much. Then the principal got done and the two boys came out of the office. They said "What stinks? It smells like someone farted". Jenny just laughed. And you could see the principal was smelling the gas too.
So we went into the principal's office and while Jenny was sitting down she farted. I said that is the reason we are here because she has been doing that in my 7th period class for the past month 5 or 6 times a day. Now the principal knew Jenny very well because she was on the honor roll and made straight A's. The principal said "Why are you doing this Jenny? You are a model student. I have no other problems with you and you are on the honor roll." She said well I do it because I get gas after lunch and I hold it in for Mr. Berger's class because I like him. Then he said "You do that show you like him by disturbing his class?" She said "Well I don't know, but I have to fart again." She ripped another one. The principal said "Okay two and a half hours detention on Monday." When he said that she farted and farted all the way out the door.
Now the principal didn't know or I didn't realize that I was on detention duty that next Monday. Well next Monday came and she came walking into the room I said "Hi, Jenny, She said "Hi!" and farted and I said "Now Jenny you know that is why you are in here, right?" She said "Well after school I am worse! Ask the people on my bus." And she laughed. Well I sat each person a seat apart and when I was calling the role out, I heard this loud loud fart. The kids in detention said "It's the girl, it's the girl!" So she said "Sorry, I have gas!" So I told her "You are coming to sit with me up front." As we were walking up the the desk I dropped my pen that I was correcting papers with. I bent down to pick it up and when I looked up her butt was right in my face and she blew.
I was like Jenny. I have to be professional: even though I loved it I couldn't show it. Well I pulled a chair up to my desk and said "Now you have to write I will not pass gas in Mr. Berger's room again 100 times." When I got done telling her that she said "This is what I say to that!" and sat right on me and farted. I was loving it but again I couldn't let it show. Well she keep farting up a storm: I mean this 12 year old girl farted so much that 100 men couldn't even compare. Well the detention ended unfortunately.
After about two more months Jenny moved. She still kept farting until she did. After she moved I was looking though her file and found out that she did this to 3 other teachers in different school districts. I don't know if they were fart smellers but she did get in trouble a couple of times for it. I wonder who her next victim is going to be? I can tell you I never had that experience again. But I came always think that
I was one of the smellers of Jenny's Farts.
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